Attracting Weak Men
This is a note for women who are frustrated with the men they are with (or seem to attract— wondering if all men are “weak”.) Avoidant, weak men. Never in a million years would I have imagined writing an email like this. I’m a retired Chiropractor by training, not a psychotherapist. You can imagine my […]
From Trauma Bond to Secure Attachment
I want to introduce you to Denise. Maybe you can relate to her story. “I am in a relationship that I am unhappy in, my partner doesn’t even like me, let alone love me. He is always looking for something else, someone else, someone better, someone who will worship him and tolerate his poor behaviour […]
The Anxious Becomes The Avoidant
Jennifer was unable to have a successful, peaceful, secure romantic relationship without allowing her anxieties and insecurities to sabotage it and push her partner away. She has an anxious attachment style- constantly needing reassurance, constantly struggling with feelings of abandonment when her partner needs space and time, and although she is aware that everyone deserves to feel […]
How to Deal With an Avoidant
I just spoke to a woman stuck in indecision. She has been 8 years in a situationship with an avoidant who pulls away when things get close, then when she’s ready to move on, he comes on strong again. Every month for the last 8 years. The thing she hated the most about her situation? […]
Why You Shouldn’t Eliminate Negative Emotions
“Dr. Nima, we walk on eggshells with each other. I am so sensitive to the slightest upset that when he is in a bad mood, I don’t know how to fix it. I constantly feel like a failure in this relationship. Can you help?” I just received this email from a subscriber, and it hit […]
How to Understand the Avoidant
When you’re reading about relationships and secure attachments, avoidants get thrown under the bus. As I unpacked my last relationship which was definitely a Trauma Bond, I had to take ownership of my avoidance behaviors and find the root cause. I didn’t want to go through the painful push-pull dynamic again. I wanted to trust […]
Signs of a Trauma Bonded Relationship
“Come close to me.” “Get away from me.” “I need you.” “I need you to leave me alone.” “I can’t live without you.” “I can’t live like this anymore”. These were soundbites from my last relationship. I didn’t know the term “Trauma Bond” but after being successful in every area of life except the most […]
Hidden Forces
It was 2019 when I realized something had to change. I’d nailed success in almost every area of my life— except one: intimate relationships. Every relationship ended up in a mess, and I couldn’t figure out why my last one was such a disaster. Then I discovered the concept of enmeshment—and everything clicked. It was […]
The Choice We Don’t Consciously Choose
Sally’s words hit me like a ton of bricks: ‘I wasn’t expecting that. This is going to take me a while to process.’ It’s no surprise—she had just completed her Overview Experience (OE) a few weeks ago, and let me tell you, this isn’t your average Zoom call. OE isn’t just another Saturday evening where you’re partying or […]
Why You Can’t Shortcut The Healing Process
If you’ve ever been stuck in the “loop of doom” in a relationship dynamic, you’ll understand this exhausting dance: After the honeymoon phase is finished, which lasts between up to 6 months to 18 months… you graduate to the next phase of the relationship, which is called the “power struggle” phase. Here’s what it looks […]