I spent years in therapy understanding my childhood.
My therapist was brilliant.
She helped me see the patterns, trace them back, understand where they came from.
But understanding and being free from the patterns are two different things.
I was still blowing up relationships.
I was triggered at the smallest things.
I was unconsciously using personal development as a covert form of self-hate.
All those courses I took.
All that inner work.
All that trying to optimize and fix myself – it wasn’t love… It was warfare.
I was trying to kill off the parts of me that didn’t fit the image of who I thought I should be.
My nervous system hadn’t gotten the memo though.
The body stores trauma differently than the mind processes it.
You can intellectually understand why you’re reactive in relationships.
You can map the wound back to age seven.
And your nervous system can still be running the exact same survival pattern it learned back then.
Knowing why you do something doesn’t stop you from doing it.
It’s like reading about swimming versus getting in the water.
Real integration didn’t happen through more analysis.
It happened when I stopped trying to understand myself and started actually feeling what I’d been running from.
The Blind Spot Evaluation is where you finally feel what you’ve been running from.
